Overnight in the Sahara

By my count I've ridden a camel 3 times in my life. The first two times were in Egypt. Once around the pyramids (and the KFC adjacent to the pyramids), and then for a "night in the desert", which actually turned into a ride in the rain and a night in a nearby village due to said rain. The third was yesterday.

I was excited for #3. This was the real deal. We were headed into the Sahara. In the middle of no where. To sleep in the desert. Scorpions, desert pirates and all.

First thing you notice when you head out of town is that the desert is quiet. I mean really really quiet. The kind of silence that actually hurts your ears. You can hear your heart beating, the blood moving through your veins. Your ears ring a bit. It's quiet.

The second thing you notice is that it's really still. The clouds sweep over head, but the sand below and all around you doesn't move. The landscape is frozen, like your moving through a painting.

The third thing you notice is that camels puke up their stomaches to attract other camels. It's pretty gross and mine did it a lot. The inflated sack hangs out of their mouth while they make a gurgling sound that supposedly drives the ladies crazy. Yeah girl.

The ride took about 2 hours. Eventually we made our way to a collection of Berber tents set up in a tiny row at the base of a large sand dune. Our camp was the furthest to the right. We drank mint tea, ate a pretty good chicken tajine, climbed up the nearby sand dune to watch the sunset and then spent the night under a full moon so bright it seemed as if the sun still remained in the sky. We played the drums with our guide, spent the night experimenting with night photography, and listened to some podcasts by candle light.

In the morning we hurried back up the sand dune and were treated to an amazing sun rise. After that we hopped back on our stomach puking camels and set off for home.

All in all a pretty perfect night out in the desert.

Today I wasn't having it

…and that's ok. It's also one of the hardest things to come to terms with while traveling. Admitting that you don't like a place you're visiting, or that you would rather stay in bed all day then go see another fucking site.

Today was one of those days. From the moment I woke up in Chefchuan to the time I went to sleep for the 3rd time in 24 hours I was an absolute asshole. A monster. A rain cloud pissing on everyone within my 2 foot radius. Unfortunately for Sabrina, she got pissed on a lot (and not in the sexy R. Kelly way) For that I am sorry.

I've experienced this before on other trips. Days where I could give a fuck about doing anything. Days where if another dude asks me if I want to buy hash or eat at his shit box restaurant I may rip his head off and punt it over the city wall. These are not good days. You would not like me on these days.

I also know from experience when this happens, perhaps the worst part of it all, is what a fucking jerk you feel like for being mad in the first place. Here you are traveling the world, no job, no rent, no responsibilities other than getting yourself to the next amazing new place and instead of going to that next new awesome place you're gonna spend your today pouting in your hostel room, mad at the world because it's rained for 5 days straight. Poor little you.

So what do you do? I'll tell you what you don't do. Make your wife cry because you're being a dick head. Whoops too late for that one.

What you should do is realize … it's alright to have a bad day traveling. When you're doing it for this long, traveling stops being a vacation and just becomes your life. Your day to day. And it's going to come with as many stresses and inconveniences of everyday life at home. When it gets to the point where you want to set fire to your guide book… just allow yourself to have a bad day. Embrace it. Sit in your angry shit pile all day long. Stew in it. Revel in your anger and then... get over it, you are traveling the world after all you unappreciative little bitch.

The golden rule of travel - Bird in hand

When you see a pack of top ramen, an ATM, a pair of pants, a bottle of wine, a baguette, or a place to print out plane tickets …DO IT. Don't convince yourself you'll find the same thing later. Or that you "don't want to have to carry it around all day". A bird in hand is worth not having to spend the next three days dwelling on how dumb it was not buying the wine when you had the chance.

Earth versus Uranus

I've said it before and I'll say it again, my favorite thing about traveling is the perspective you gain. Whether it's perspective on food, freedom, poverty, religion, violence, politics, or the general hygienic state of toilets around the world, perspective is amazing.

At the top of the perspective list for me is how I now view the planet we live on versus how I did before I traveled. I used to never really think about it. I mean, yeah sure Earth is pretty cool. It's got dolphins and cotton candy and wifi. I think very few of us stop to think about how amazing it really is, cotton candy aside.

Pardon me while I step up on my soap box for a second… a one, a two, a three….

The earth is amazing. Think of it in comparison to all the other planets that surround it. Every other planet is total shit. No trees. No rivers. No mountains. No blue skies. No birds. No kittens. No rainbows. Nothing. They all have nothing. We are the ONLY planet in our solar system, that isn't a rocky, cold, empty hell hole. The drastic difference between Earth and everything else blows my mind. It's not like there are planets that are kind of like Earth, where dogs have cat heads and rain comes up from the ground. Nothing is like it, and I think we really take that for granted.

Yes terrible things happen on this planet (99% of which are caused by us, not the planet), but overall if you take a second to walk outside and look at the sky, think about how old trees are, watch the clouds float by, your mind should explode, it's miracle that any of it is even here.

In my opinion being present and appreciating it all is the single most important thing I can do each day. Take it all in. Stop. Look. Feel. Breathe. Because every single thing I see with my eyes is a miracle. I've touched Egyptian pyramids, climbed up mountains that are millions of years old, swam in countless oceans ranging from freezing to pretty darn nice, smelled the cleanest air I've ever smelled in New Zealand, sat under the stars in the middle of the Bolivian desert, the list goes on and on. Each time I'm completely floored that any of it exists. And there's tons of it to see. All you have to do is go outside and look around.

I love picturing this little ball, with all these people, and all these beautiful things floating in the galaxy. Pretty amazing stuff when you stop and experience it.

This hostel makes no sense, and it's amazing!

When skate park surf hostel meets 18th century elegance this is what happens.
Mona Surf Hostel

The hostel where your toilets are plated in gold.

Your floors and bidets are made of marble.

Your in door pool looks like it is from the Shinning.

And your ramps, rails, and other skate stuff are totally tubular.

Don't ever let a bed bug bite your nipple.

Trust me on this one. It will ruin your life for the next 2 weeks.
ITCHY NIPPLE!!!!!!

When wine is cheaper than water you drink ALOT of it.

Wine with breakfast?
Wine with lunch?
Wine with wine?
Sure! Wine not?! Get it??!?!?!?!? HAHAHAHAHA wordplay.

You read that right folks. Spain knows what's up. Buy a glass of wine get a tapa. Buy the menu del dia, you can get a tiny water or an ENTIRE BOTTLE OF WINE. Go to the local grocery store, wine is $2.

At first when I realized that wine was actually cheaper than water I thought I was drunk, then I realized I was drunk, and that it is cheaper!!!

VIA LA ESPAÑA! Good luck liver, you don't stand a chance.

See Mom I was right! Or maybe you were. It's debatable.

Here's a european fashion tip. Yellow mustard everything is back…with a vengeance.

Funny thing is, one time in my life I owned a pair of mustard yellow jeans…that got me kicked out of chemistry class because they were so fucking hideous my chemistry teacher couldn't attempt to teach a class whilst looking at them.

A little background.

I was a dumb kid. An even dumber teenager. I was and am still very impressionable. At or around 1990 my hero was Parker Lewis. Fox had just recently become a channel and one of the first shows they rolled out on their fledgling network was Parker Lewis Can't Lose. A total rip off of Ferris Beuller's Day Off, but amazing never the less. Besides Parker's couldn't give a fuck attitude and his god like hair,  I was mesmerized by his fashion sense. All sorts of silk shirts. Crazy pattern and colored jeans. He was the embodiment of 90's fashion and I wanted to be just like him.

So on my something or other birthday I asked my mom, neigh demanded that she take me to the local Chess King and buy me his entire wardrobe. I was pumped. Or amped. Or whatever kids were saying at the time. Upon entering this bastion of fashion, I found the outfit I had to have. A white silk shirt adorned with multi colored polka dots, and mustard yellow jeans. Hell yes. This outfit was the tits. Or the flap jacks. This was the outfit that would vault me to the top of the social circle of my peers. 

My mother wasn't buying it. Literally. I think her words were, "I am not buying that. It is awful." Of course I responded with the timeless response "Whatever Mom you just don't get it." After minutes of begging, she caved and bought the outfit. I think her parting words were "it's your funeral."

Fast forward to unveiling day. It was early in the semester. Time to bust out all the awesome clothes you bought during break. I slid on my mustard yellow pants while blasting 95 South. Buttoned my silk polka dotted shirt (shit felt fancy). Clipped on my gold necklace showcasing a gold marijuana leaf, and my Nikes. I was ready to fucking kill this day. Side note: At the time, I was attending the most prestigious boarding school in the country. This was the land of the Guggenheims, the Bunns, lacrosse, Black Crows, and Huey Lewis. This was not the land of Mustard colored jeans.

I walked to class, strike that I pimp walked to class. I felt awesome. I WAS PARKER LEWIS! AND I COULDN'T LOSE! That was until I walked into chemistry class.

I sat in the front of the class cause you know that's where geniuses sit, and was promptly told to go home and change. I can remember my Nigerian teacher saying something to the effect of, "I can not teach this class with you looking like that. Go home and change."

So I did. Absolutely gutted. Stupid yellow jeans. My mom was right, they'll never catch on.

Until 2014 when every single person on the street is wearing mustard yellow. Hot dog vendors. Bus drivers. Homeless Hipsters. Bankers. Asian tourists. Everyone!!!!!!

The prettiest city in the world in 3+ pics

San Sebastian may be prettier than Paris.
There I said it.
The beaches. The food. The quaint little streets. The people. The vibe. And the best Gin and Tonics I've ever had. All add up to a pretty spectacular place.
I was in love the second we set foot on the spotlessly clean sidewalks. My mind melted when we strolled along one of two beaches, while classical music floated over our heads (the city has speakers surrounding the beach which they use to set the mood for beach goers.) I felt like I was in a movie. Everything more perfect than the next. Look at that dog frolicking in the waves. Look at that old fat man in a speedo. Look at that topless woman. And that one! Ohh no not that onE…yuck.
Then the food. Tapas everywhere, which here they call pinchos. Every bar top lined with bite sized deliciousness. Walk in, they hand you a plate and you goto work. It's like a better version of Soup Plantation, more European.
Bascially you eat, drink, walk around, look at beautiful stuff, goto the beach, eat some more, drink a lot more, and so forth and so on.
As if that wasn't enough there's an amazing castle over looking the city with a pretty impressive statue of Jesus and 360 degree views of the city, an amazing lighthouse in the middle of the bay, and more BEAUTY! It's just so god damned beautiful!!!!!!!!
For more beauty and pictures of beautiful things click this beautiful link.

Montserrat Spain in 3+ pics.

Jesus. OMG. and holy crap.
The closest you can come to heaven without getting hit by a bus.
For pics of one of the prettiest (and most spiritual) darn place I've ever been click here.

Where'd everybody go?

So we've been in Spain for about 2 weeks and the whole time I've been wondering one thing…where the hell is everyone?
Granted with the jet lag thing we haven't truly been able to embrace the Spanish culture of eating dinner at midnight or later, even so when we do venture out it's apocalyptic. Barcelona at 9pm, Rioja at 2pm, San Sebastian at 6pm. No one on the streets. No one in the hostels. No one anywhere. Shades are drawn. Storefronts closed.

I get that it's winter, and maybe it's off season, but I didn't think it would be like this. On the one hand it is kinda cool to have the entire country to ourselves, but then again it would be nice to be able to have something to eat.

Reunited and it feels so good.

Dave, 

Can you believe it has been 3 years since we were last together?

Let's never let that happen again.

R

Here comes… my new brother in law!

Meg and Ollie got married! Hooray!!!!!

For pictures of this storybook wedding click here

Home just in time to leave.

Good times had by all in our quick but lovely week or so at home.
Thanks to all our friends and their couches for their hospitality.
Off to Part 2 of the trip! Meg and Ollie's wedding.

Chapter 1 comes to an end

It's hard to believe that 3 months of travel have already come and gone.
Mexico, Guatemala, and Honduras, are now only pictures in iPhoto.
Here are the highlights and low lights.

- Mexico: my advice GO. Don't listen to what Fox News tells you. It's an amazing place full of amazing people, sights, culture, and FOOD. My God the food. I miss it already. From Mexico City to Oaxaca to San Cristobal, each town more surprising then the next. I am so glad I had the chance to experience the true Mexico, I'm sure it won't be the last time.

- Guatemala: The biggest surprise of the three countries we visited. As soon we crossed the boarder I felt like the country wrapped its arms around us and never let go. Guatemala is one of the most beautiful countries I've ever been to. The mountains, the forests, the skies, the people and the LAKE. I was in love. Such a welcoming country. Smiles on every face, and a warmth that I haven't felt anywhere else in Central America. Not to mention it's the home of Lake Atitlan and Iguana Perdida. The friends and memories we made there are some of my favorite in all my travels.

- Honduras: Every party needs that person who you think might kill everyone in the party, and for our Central American party that person was Honduras. Utilia and the national forest aside of course.

Look out below

I used to scuba dive a lot as a kid. I loved it.

Then I went diving in Fiji and almost died. So I didn't love it so much anymore.

I spent the next 10 years wanting to dive but not wanting to die.

I knew the fear was in my head, I just needed to get it out.

Enter Utilia.

After 3 days of diving with great people, a  pair of amazing instructors, and a beautiful location, I am a re-certified PADI diver.
Best thing of all, I can confidently say I won't be telling "that time I dove in Fiji " story anymore. 

A lake where everyone knows your name

Remember that hidden village Leo DeCaprio found in “The Beach”? I’ve always wanted to find that. A place where time melts away, and the people you meet feel like they’ve been your friends since birth.

I finally found it on Lake Atitlan. La Iguana Perdida is that place, minus Leo Decaprio and that hot French chick.

As often happens with travel, we found this place by accident. On our way to another part of the Lake we got caught in the middle of a thunderstorm. Not wanting to trudge through the soaking streets of San Marcos looking for a place to stay, we decided to hop off at the first dock we reached. Soaked to the bone we stepped into the Iguana and immediately felt like we were home.

Since then we’ve all grown as close as family. James, Milda, Jack, Matt, Carlie, Garrieth, and Katie. All our new insta-best friends.  We spend our days together floating on the lake, napping in the tv room and stuffing ourselves with cheese, wine and the most delicious BBQ you’ve ever tasted.

Each night is a completely different experience. Open mic / joke night (sing a song, tell a joke and take a shot.) Cross dressing dance party. Hangover Sunday pizza and movie night. And one of my favorites, sitting together outside watching the lightning crack behind the volcanoes that surround the lake.

We’ve been here for over a week and a half now and really have no plans to leave. When we eventually do I know we will long for the days and nights we spent as lost iguanas on Lake Atitlan.

A soda bottle and some string

Today we ventured up into the local village surrounding Lake Atitlan. Like most villages it was filled with countless tin houses, a few stray dogs, and a handful of locals looking at us like we were lost. Near the center of the village we stumbled upon a church and a basketball court. The court was mostly empty except for a few kids playing in scattered rain puddles.

We sat and watched as the kids pulled their make shift boats through puddles of rain. One boat was made out of a flattened 2 liter 7up bottle, while the other looked like a Styrofoam “to go” plate. It was the kind of scene that makes your heart smile. No Xbox, no Ipad, just their imaginations.

It’s also the kind of thing that could inspire a holier than thou rant about how spoiled kids in the west are, or how sad it is that kids back home lack this type of imagination, but instead of focusing on that stuff we just sat back and enjoyed the moment in front of us.

Afterwards we went to a local shop, and purchased all the soccer balls the small shop had in stock. We walked back down to the court and handed one to each kid. Thanking them all for allowing us join their imaginary worlds for a bit.

I think this parrot wants to kill me

There’s a parrot outside my door. He has fallen in love with my wife and I think he wants to kill me.

He sits all day outside our door waiting. Watching. Hoping I try to come outside. Every time I look out the window he’s sitting there. Starring. His stupid parrot eye locked on my every move.

He taunts me. “Come outside. I promise I won’t tear you to pieces. You can trust me.”

What I should do is charge outside and kick him in his stupid parrot head, but he knows I wont. He’s just a parrot and I’m a person.

So I sit inside. Listening to him breathe on the other side of the door.

Waiting. Watching.

Maybe I should just give him Sabrina. We’ve had a good run.

Hey hey we're the Nightmare Monkies

Howler Monkies sound like dinosaurs with terrible diarrhea.