Because you know you love my pictures.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Beer Review numero 2: Bolivia
It's hard to imagine beer sucking. I mean, it's done so much for me in my life. It's always there for me when I need a friend to talk to or one that will make me vomit on my shoes.
I guess in traveling you're bound to find everything, and on this stint of our beer journey I found the worst beer I've ever had. That's right, Bolivia will now be known worldwide as having poor beer and frighteningly slow internet.
Was it the WORST beer I've ever had? No. I've tasted worse. What made this beer so bad was that it didn't seem to be trying. You know like the fat son of a hall of fame football player who just sits on the couch all day watching cop dramas and eating his belly button lint, this beer was a monumental underachiever.
Saying it tasted like water would be doing a diservice to the fine bottled waters here.
So here it is. Bolivia's not so great pee water beers.
Huari Pilsener:
The most memorable thing about this beer is that it seem to have a doppleganger. There was another beer hanging around Bolivia, that had the exact same label but had a different name. Was this Huari's evil twin? Was there a printing error? Was the altitude so strong I was hallucinating?
Not sure, but regardless of what label came on this beer, in the end, it didnt matter. Call it God's Golden Nipple Nectar for all I care. It just wouldn't matter.
This beer was terrible. No flavor what so ever. Never cold. And always came with a thick, I mean thick head of foam that would never go away. It was like dishwashing liquid.
I probably could make a better beer in the shower using shampoo, warm water, and the pubes that get stuck to the soap.
Bock:
Can something be good just because everything you compare it to is absolute horse shit? Well if so, then this was the best beer in Bolivia.
Again, no flavor found here. A weird never ending foam hat, hovering over the bland beer below, and worst of all barely enough alcohol to get an eleven year old drunk.
So very dissapointing.
Well, there you have it. Bolivia, in a few short paragraphs. What did we learn today? That when you're a lazy beer maker who cant be bothered to try and make a beer that tastes somewhat like beer, the world will end up hating you.
Lesson learned.
Next up, Argentina. Home of Wine, cows, dead cows, cooked cows, more wine, and maybe just maybe some good beer.
Salud.
I guess in traveling you're bound to find everything, and on this stint of our beer journey I found the worst beer I've ever had. That's right, Bolivia will now be known worldwide as having poor beer and frighteningly slow internet.
Was it the WORST beer I've ever had? No. I've tasted worse. What made this beer so bad was that it didn't seem to be trying. You know like the fat son of a hall of fame football player who just sits on the couch all day watching cop dramas and eating his belly button lint, this beer was a monumental underachiever.
Saying it tasted like water would be doing a diservice to the fine bottled waters here.
So here it is. Bolivia's not so great pee water beers.
Huari Pilsener:
The most memorable thing about this beer is that it seem to have a doppleganger. There was another beer hanging around Bolivia, that had the exact same label but had a different name. Was this Huari's evil twin? Was there a printing error? Was the altitude so strong I was hallucinating?
Not sure, but regardless of what label came on this beer, in the end, it didnt matter. Call it God's Golden Nipple Nectar for all I care. It just wouldn't matter.
This beer was terrible. No flavor what so ever. Never cold. And always came with a thick, I mean thick head of foam that would never go away. It was like dishwashing liquid.
I probably could make a better beer in the shower using shampoo, warm water, and the pubes that get stuck to the soap.
Bock:
Can something be good just because everything you compare it to is absolute horse shit? Well if so, then this was the best beer in Bolivia.
Again, no flavor found here. A weird never ending foam hat, hovering over the bland beer below, and worst of all barely enough alcohol to get an eleven year old drunk.
So very dissapointing.
Well, there you have it. Bolivia, in a few short paragraphs. What did we learn today? That when you're a lazy beer maker who cant be bothered to try and make a beer that tastes somewhat like beer, the world will end up hating you.
Lesson learned.
Next up, Argentina. Home of Wine, cows, dead cows, cooked cows, more wine, and maybe just maybe some good beer.
Salud.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Beer review #1 Peru
I figure this blog should try its best to impart some wisdom on the people of the world, not just make them laugh. I think my Irish lineage and countless trips to the emergency room due to excessive drinking make me somewhat of a expert on all things alcohol.
So here it is. My first of many global beer reviews.
*reviews best viewed with buzz on so go grab a cold one.
Peru- Land of Altitude and pretty tasty beers.
So maybe it was because it was the first beer we had on the trip, or because we were really thristy, or because I love beer so much you could put horse piss in a cup and call it a micro brew and I'd happily down it, BUT man these beers tasted good.
THE BEST OF THE BUNCH:
Cusquena Malta.
Just like I like my beers, dark, chocolatey, cold as hell, and pack with 5.2% alcohol. This beer was mighty tasty. While dark it wasn't heavy, at really cold temps it drank just like a pilsner. The chocolatey/coffee finish was amazing. Loved every sip, and at high altitude you pack 2 of these bad boys away and you're starting to feel like St. San Francisco himself (thats a Peruvian culture joke, and it's not very funny.)
THE OTHER DARK BEER:
THE LIGHTER SIDE OF PERU:
It's a light beer, but doesn't taste like a Miller Light. Has some taste to it, and man when it's cold its delicious.
OFF TO BOLIVIA. SALUD!
So here it is. My first of many global beer reviews.
*reviews best viewed with buzz on so go grab a cold one.
Peru- Land of Altitude and pretty tasty beers.
So maybe it was because it was the first beer we had on the trip, or because we were really thristy, or because I love beer so much you could put horse piss in a cup and call it a micro brew and I'd happily down it, BUT man these beers tasted good.
THE BEST OF THE BUNCH:
Cusquena Malta.
Just like I like my beers, dark, chocolatey, cold as hell, and pack with 5.2% alcohol. This beer was mighty tasty. While dark it wasn't heavy, at really cold temps it drank just like a pilsner. The chocolatey/coffee finish was amazing. Loved every sip, and at high altitude you pack 2 of these bad boys away and you're starting to feel like St. San Francisco himself (thats a Peruvian culture joke, and it's not very funny.)
THE OTHER DARK BEER:
Pilsen Polar
I was really excited to drink this beer. The label has a Polar Bear on it, nuff said. But alas, this must have been one of those Polar Bears that enjoys killing seals and drinking shitty beers because this one left a little to be desired. Maybe it's because Cusquena Malta is so damn good, but Pilsen Polar just didnt cut it. It had a very bitter taste, and didn't have the coffee/chocolate notes I liked so much in Cusquena.
THE LIGHTER SIDE OF PERU:
Cusquena Pilsner
This is a marathon drinking beer, both because you can drink alot of them and also because it's so refreshing I could imagine drinking one after actually running a marathon...that is if I did that sort of thing...I think they call it excercising.
It's a light beer, but doesn't taste like a Miller Light. Has some taste to it, and man when it's cold its delicious.
A LITTLE TASTE OF HOME:
Brahma
This was the beer of choice at our hostel. It's pretty tasty but you can get it in the States so I'm not going to spend too much time on it. Lacks a punch in the alcohol department, but their calendar girls are muy caliente!
OFF TO BOLIVIA. SALUD!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Huey Lewis is alive and well
Not to worry kids. Apparently both Huey and the News are huge in Peru.
We took Peru Rail to Lake Titicaca. The train ride took 9 hours. "Power of Love" was played 4 times. "Heart and Soul" a whopping 6 times.
Thats 10 Huey hits in 9 hours!!!!
Patrick Bateman: Do you like Huey Lewis and the news?
Paul Allen: They're OK.
Patrick Bateman: Their early work was a little too new wave for my tastes, but when Sports came out in '83, I think they really came into their own, commercial and artistically. The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. He's been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think Huey has a far much more bitter, cynical sense of humour.
Paul Allen: Hey Halberstram.
Patrick Bateman: Yes, Allen?
Paul Allen: Why are their copies of the style section all over the place, d-do you have a dog? A little chow or something?
Patrick Bateman: No, Allen.
Paul Allen: Is that a rain coat?
Patrick Bateman: Yes it is! In '87, Huey released this, Fore, their most accomplished album. I think their undisputed masterpiece is "Hip to be Square", a song so catchy, most people probably don't listen to the lyrics. But they should, because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity, and the importance of trends, it's also a personal statement about the band itself.
[raises axe above head]
Patrick Bateman: Hey Paul!
[he bashes Allen in the head with the axe, and blood splatters over him]
Patrick Bateman: TRY GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORSIA NOW YOU FUCKING STUPID BASTARD! YOU, FUCKING BASTARD!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Food posioning is the new p90x
Want ripped abs? Buns of steel? Bicepts that youll have to register with the local authorities?
Well then forget spending hours at the gym, and spend a few hours on the toilet instead.
Thats right my friends, with the new weightloss system I designed you too can have a washboard stomache in only hours.
Simply visit your neighboring foreign country. Gorge yourself on unpasturized cheeses, unfiltered water, and cooked animals you once thought of as merely house pets.
Then sit back and let nature take its course.
Within hours you'll be dropping off pounds like never before!
Bring a pillow into the bathroom and get comfortable, you're going to be there for a while.
But WAIT THERES MORE!
Order my new fitness plan in the next 5 minutes and I'll include my revolutionary Puke Till Your Ripped workout absolutely free.
Those last few inches around the waist are always the hardest to get rid of, that's why we've added the PTYR workout to our system to guarentee you see results.
Used for years by Hollywood's elite, this system really works. You'll actually see the pounds leave your body and get flushed down the toilet forever! Bye bye Mr. Wierd tasting Cheeseburger.
You'll target your abs like never before. Heaving and hollaring in excruciating pain, you'll be literally and figuratively floored by the results. Who needs countless situps when you can get better results in less time with my system. You'll look so good you'll want to wear a bathing suit to work.
ARE YOU READY TO TAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL?!?!?!
Just when you think you've had enough. Just when you think you can't go on. My system pushes you to new heights with my interval training. Switching up between shitting and puking maximizes your workout potential and incinerates those pesky calories.
You'll be spinning like a top from one end to the other, watching the calories just flush away.
This program is not for everyone. Only those looking for serious results should attempt this program. If you're ready for real change, if you're ready to take back control of your life, then pick up the phone and order. Operators are standing by.
Well then forget spending hours at the gym, and spend a few hours on the toilet instead.
Thats right my friends, with the new weightloss system I designed you too can have a washboard stomache in only hours.
Simply visit your neighboring foreign country. Gorge yourself on unpasturized cheeses, unfiltered water, and cooked animals you once thought of as merely house pets.
Then sit back and let nature take its course.
Within hours you'll be dropping off pounds like never before!
Bring a pillow into the bathroom and get comfortable, you're going to be there for a while.
But WAIT THERES MORE!
Order my new fitness plan in the next 5 minutes and I'll include my revolutionary Puke Till Your Ripped workout absolutely free.
Those last few inches around the waist are always the hardest to get rid of, that's why we've added the PTYR workout to our system to guarentee you see results.
Used for years by Hollywood's elite, this system really works. You'll actually see the pounds leave your body and get flushed down the toilet forever! Bye bye Mr. Wierd tasting Cheeseburger.
You'll target your abs like never before. Heaving and hollaring in excruciating pain, you'll be literally and figuratively floored by the results. Who needs countless situps when you can get better results in less time with my system. You'll look so good you'll want to wear a bathing suit to work.
ARE YOU READY TO TAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL?!?!?!
Just when you think you've had enough. Just when you think you can't go on. My system pushes you to new heights with my interval training. Switching up between shitting and puking maximizes your workout potential and incinerates those pesky calories.
You'll be spinning like a top from one end to the other, watching the calories just flush away.
This program is not for everyone. Only those looking for serious results should attempt this program. If you're ready for real change, if you're ready to take back control of your life, then pick up the phone and order. Operators are standing by.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
I couldn't have said it better myself
So I wont try.
Click here to read about our 4 day hike to machu picchu.
http://leap-and-the-mosquito-net-will-appear.blogspot.com/2010/01/inca-trail-machu-picchu.html
Click here to read about our 4 day hike to machu picchu.
http://leap-and-the-mosquito-net-will-appear.blogspot.com/2010/01/inca-trail-machu-picchu.html
Sunday, January 10, 2010
My nephews are going to kill me
My nephew Ben has a guinea pig named Colorful. The above picture is not him, but you get the idea. Colorful is a nice little chap. He keeps to himself. Is quiet. Polite to house guests and hardly ever craps on my nephew's pillow. From what I gather my nephew loves him very much.My nephew is not going to like the rest of this blog entry.
This is what Colorful would look like after having his neck snapped by a Peuvian woman and thrown into an oven for 2 hours.
And this is what a entire plate of neck snapped, oven baked Colorfuls looks like.
And this is what a neck snapped, oven baked, dancing Colorful looks like.
And this is me...eating Colorful.
Sorry Ben.
What does Guinea Pig taste like you might ask. Well, it tastes like chicken. No fish. No a chickeny fish with a bit of gamey tang for good measure.
Who knew chowing down on my nephews pet with our new Peruvian friends would be one of the best days we've had so far.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
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