As many of you may or may not know I'm terrified of mechanical sharks. Not mechanical bulls, mechanical sharks. I have no idea where this fear originated from, seeing as how I've never come in contact with a mechanical shark, but Ive always said if I had the choice between diving into a pool with a mechanical shark or a real shark I'll take the real one thank you. Something about the teeth, and the metal, and the wet teeth and wet metal makes my skin crawl. Not to mention the chance of the water I mentioned before seeping into the tiny mechanical brain of the shark and causing it to go ape shit in the water chomping everything in sight. Can a shark even go ape shit, or would it be shark shit?
Anyway I digress, maybe my fear was born from Jaws. That movie was some scary shit. I mean the idea of a shark killing everyone in New York is scary enough, but make that shark a wierd, distorted robot shark, with the paint peeling off the side (sorry Speilberg but its true) and then you have something truly terrifying. I saw a picture once of Steven Speilberg laying in the mouth of the half body robot of Jaws on set of Jaws 1, and I thought to myself 'welp there goes any chance of him directing a Jaws sequel...dudes a gonner.'
So here I am, a guy terrified by mechanical sharks, but at the same time fascinated by real ones. Explain that. I mean I really love them. I thought in college I would be a Marine Biologist and ride sharks all over the ocean, until I found out how much Oceanographers make.
Even though I took a different career path I knew one day a real shark and I would meet. Today was that day.
We traveled to Africa for a lot fo reasons. See new cultures. Expand our boundries. Volunteer, making us feel all squisshy good inside. Most of all though, we came to Africa to dive with Great White sharks. To say I wasn't up all night last night staring at the cieling imagining sharks picking me to pieces would be a lie. This morning I thought I had pissed the bed, but then I realized I was swimming in a pool of my own sweat. Apperently my anxiety medication has no effect on the thoughts of dying by Great White shark.
Like a boy excited for Christmas morning (a Christmas morning where your presents could tear the flesh out of your bones) I leaped out of bed and into the shower. Hopped a transport to Hermanus, and sat. Waiting. For what seemed like an eternity. Pictures of sharks leaping out of the water, rushing towards cages, and doing all sorts of sharky things surrounded me. In my head each shark had a bloody human corpse in its mouth. Nevertheless as soon as the captain said it was time to go I was the first one out the door.
We set sail into the ocean, and it took about 30 minutes to get to the shark area. We joined a handful of boats making a circle. I thought to myself, this must be the location where the sharks are sitting at their shark dining tables waiting for us to jump in. I couldn't help but laugh to myself how stupid the locals must think we are. Paying good money to jump into the water with a known killing machine. White people are dumb I thought, how else could you explain 'Full House.'
After anchoring for a bit folks started gearing up to jump into the water. I wanted to be first in line but I had to tend to Sabrina. She was hanging over the railing, emptying her guts out into the ocean. You see she doesn't do well with boats, and I know this, and I'm a jerk because I made her go anyway. She's a real trooper for putting up with it all. So during this down time I was able to watch the sharks from the boat. They were awesome. They cruised through the water like fighter planes. Unbelievably precise but also incredibly graceful. What suprised me most was they weren't violent. They didnt tear the bait to pieces or dismantle the diving cage. They didnt shoot laser beams out of their eyes, or karate chop the boat in half. They just swam. From time to time they would check out the bait and try to get a nibble, but most of the time they just assesed the situation. You could see them thinking.
Then I got in the cage. The first shark made its pass, I dipped under the water and was absolutely floored. This thing was big. Not as big as in my dreams/nightmares but big enough. It glided back and forth infront of me in absolute silence. I looked at it, it looked at me and we both agreed that while it could slice me in half, today was probably not the day to do that.
For the next hour I bobbed up and down, submerging myself each time a shark came by. Some were bigger than others, some had more teeth, and some had old rusty hooks in their mouths, but all of them were amazing. I could not get over how peaceful the whole thing was. I wasn't scared. I was cold, but not scared. The sharks weren't aggressive. It was clear they wanted nothing to do with me. They barely wanted anything to do with the bait. They just wanted to swim around and check everything out. I'm sure if I was a pirate with beef jerky in my pirate shorts drifting in the sea after my ship sank things might be different, but as things were they were perfect.
I could have stayed watching them until someone dragged my hypothermic body out of the water. It was truly one of the coolest things I've ever done.
On my second pass in the cage, the guys notched it up a level. They kept dragging the tuna bait straight over the top of the cage. That lead the shark, mouth wide open, many times, straight into my face. It was unreal. I could count the teeth on these things. At one point a shark actually misjudged the traget and slammed mouth first into the cage. Directly infront of me. I heard the sharks teeth scrape the metal inches from my nose. I shit you not. But even then it wasn't scary. I knew they werent getting passed the bars so I just enjoyed it all, and tried to not crap in the dive shop's wet suit.
Even though this dive was absolutely incredible, you'll never get my ass in a tank with a mechanical shark. I'd rather chew my own arm off.
Happy birthday to me.
1 comments:
haha
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