Punching a gift horse in the mouth

Volunteering week 2

I'm starting to feel like my wallet is being fancied more than my volunteer work. It sucks. Let me just say that. We came to Kenya with hopes of giving our time and what little money we could to try and make a difference, but I'm starting to feel like the little money we have is all anyone is really concerned with. We started off by buying books and pencils for the kids, afterall how can you learn if you can't write anything down? Then we bought food, because, hey kids need to eat. Then we bought crayons cause hey kids need to eat while coloring. And then the requests started..

staff cook- "um I would be liking the perfume and lotion to make my skin soft"

head woman- "thank you for the food you bought, the kids need desks."

unnamed teacher- "would you like to pay for my sons schooling?"

unnamed teacher 2- "can you get me a computer?"

kitchen staff- " we are out of sugar. we would like that."

unnamed teacher 3- "it would be nice if we could pay our teachers."

unnamed teacher 4- " will you be coming to church sun. We can't wait to see what fabulous gifts you bring!"

I think you get the picture. What started out as warm and fuzzies has turned into a bit of naseua. I hate feeling like I'm a walking bank. I hate people feeling like the only "real good" I can do is with my wallet. I hate that this is souring my experience.

I keep telling myself it's not their fault. They need EVERYTHING. They seriously have nothing. No supplies, no food, no nothing, and the only way they get it is through others. I keep telling myself if a pair of westerners come to visit the school once a year the schools lucky. I keep telling myself that this is their chance. A chance to get what they need from the people who can give it. But it still pisses me off.

I was handed a list today of the things they need, that I am supposed to post onto Facebook. A virtual shopping list full of desk prices and teacher salaries, but I honestly don't know if I will. I'm completely torn, and it's gutting me.

I love these kids. I like the school. I don't want to put people off on the program. I think if you have money to give, this would be a good place to give it. I honestly do, and I hope the few people reading this blog might actually think about donating. But I'm going to be honest. I have to vent my frustration, in the hopes of showing up tomorrow and having a few smiles and a game of soccer wash away my cynacism.